Am and am not

Here are two things I am not...
1. artistic
and
2. skinny

I wish I were both, but I'm just not. Yes, I do consider myself creative (it's part of my job and I've been told I have an eye for color), but I'm not "artistic". Executing art projects, especially on snow or sick days, does not come as first nature to me. Both of my parents were (and are) great artists. My mom was a pretty good painter and even her handwriting was swooshie and clean, but not cutesy. Mine? Complete mush. I should have been a doctor. My Dad is also a great artist. For some reason these genes skipped my generation (my brother also being a complete fail at art of any kind). I am secretly hoping that one of my kids will repose these long lost genes and paint me a pretty picture one day. Until then, we have the art easel up and the paints out. I can't say I'm a great mentor, but I do love watching WA and IA paint their hearts out.

I've also never been a small woman.At my skinniest, I was still solid. Now, I'm just fat. Two kids, a mother's death, a major life move. Yes, it's all gotten the best of me. Some days I just don't have the energy to care and others I get crippling blues as a result, and still some I am motivated for change. My friend Sarah and I are going to attempt a half marathon next year, so I am hoping to regain some semblance of fitness, even if it doesn't mean I'm "skinny". It's going to be a very looooong road, but it's something I've been wanting to do for a while. Fitting this in to my schedule will be a serious challenge and one I hope I can rise to. Wish us luck!

Here are two things I am...
1. appreciative
and
2. a good Mom

Even at my bluest (and admittedly there has been a lot of that recently), I am still so, so thankful for what I have, what I've been given and what I have accomplished. Some days I embody this better than others, but it's always there. I think sometimes that feeling of gratitude is the only thing that gets me through. And yes, I am thankful for that too!

At my worst, I'm a good Mom. I had an amazing example and one that I am constantly striving to live up to. My son, WA, can be a challenge. He is a will-full, stubborn kid. Combine that with the age of 3 and I often have a kid that pushes me to the brink. Finding the right parenting balance with him has been hard. I don't always hit that balance, but I try my hardest. His loving, listening, cooperative days can't be beat...and these are definitely what gets me through the not-so-great days. I often find myself jealous of Moms that walk around with well mannered mellow kids in tow. Not that mine is a complete horror show, but he's just active and has a mind of his own. I am constantly changing my techniques to fit the situation, and most times it works. Other times it does not. I wish there were more of a manual or support group, because I feel very isolated sometimes when attempting to figure out best approaches, random behaviors, personality vs. environment. It's a lot to try and weed out. Though I don't rise to the challenge perfectly every time, I think I do a pretty good job. I'm a good Mom.

I guess I am and am not a lot of things. That makes me, me. Sometimes I struggle, sometimes I thrive. Welcome to life Mrs. A!

Maddening

IA is driving me up...the..wall. She is in the maddening phase that combines intense curiosity and a love of dropping every single item of food given to her on the floor. The combination of these two things has me running after her constantly and feeling like a Merry Maid. Don't get me wrong, she's supposed to be doing each and every one of these things (and I appreciate that), but I just don't remember it being this intense with WA. Am I practicing revisionist history? Am I exponentially more tired? Or do I have a hell-on-wheels little girl on my hands? I guess only time will tell...

When your kid is "that kid"

Today on the playground after school, WA, IA and I were chatting and playing with LP, AK and their mom. It started out very pleasant, with Mrs. B and I having a nice chat and LP and WA running around on the tennis court like "crazyheads". It was nice....that is until WA became "that kid". AK, who is about 6mos older than IA, was crawling all around (at lightening speed I might add!) and having a grand old time checking out the wood chips and old leaves. The sun was shinning, the weather perfect and then WA runs over to AK and pushes her down to the ground. Nice. My kid the bully. Usually WA is pretty gentle (for a 3 yr old boy), especially with IA, and so this behavior had me wanting to crawl away faster than speedy AK! Well, that was until WA went over and tackled LP. Oh man, this kid is killing me. Now I know AK and LP's mom didn't, and doesn't, think that my kid acts like this all the time, but even still when this sort of thing happens....it's horrifying. Why is it that if your kid is the one that's tackled you're able to graciously pass it off as "being a toddler" (as Mrs. B did), but when it's your kid who's the brute...you suddenly want to have invisible superpowers more than anything in the world?