Yellow

Today I bought bright yellow nail polish at Target. I may just be losing it...

Love and hate

Love
I grew up in a small New England town. A place where we never locked our front door, road bikes way past dusk and knew just about everyone we'd run in to on the street. My Dad was the local dentist and his office was right uptown. Every day at noon the town's emergency alarm would sound. Letting folks for miles around know that it was lunchtime. When I happened to be in my dad's office I would need to cover my ears. That's how loud it was. But, even though my ears might disagree, it is one of my many fond childhood memories. We now live in a town where the very same thing happens. Granted we lock our doors and never let the kids out of sight, but that trusty alarm sounds every day at noon. We are close enough to the center of town that we can hear it in our house (if no kids are yelling or the TV is not on). Granted, even though this is the same alarm they use to indicate you better hussle to the basement cause a tornado is near, I still enough hearing it.

Hate
Delivery windows. Don't they drive you nuts? We'll be there between 10-1. Um, ok. Why don't you just fess up and say 1. They never, ever come on the early side of the range. So you spend time off from work just waiting. For nothing to happen. Then when they do come you're already agitated and perhaps a little bitchy. Well, gotta go blog friends...HA!, they're here.

Barbie

Barbie is gross. Last night I was getting WA's Valentine's Day cards in order and I couldn't really believe what I was doing. Now, a little backstory for you...WA, IA and I went to Target a couple weeks ago to pick out Valentine's Day cards for their new friends at school. We got to an aisle full of every kind of card set you could imagine...from Pokemon (that's still big with the 3-7 yr old crowd??) to Mickey to Puppies and Kitties. I let both kids pick out what they wanted to give. IA picked, you guessed it, Dora. WA mulled it over a bit more before deciding he wanted Spiderman for the boys and Barbie for the girls. His quote "Oh mom, the girls are going to love that.". Wanting to encourage the independence that comes with making their own choices, I went with it. Now, fast foward to last night. I discoverd that the hideously pink Barbie cards came with glitter tattoos. Here's a list of the tattoo images...a high heeled shoe, lips, a purse, a poodle and the profile of a woman with a high ponytail so severe I get a headache just looking at it. Eeegads. No wonder girls have such problems with body image..this is what they have to deal with even at the tender age of 4. Honestly I was a little embarrassed to include them. I'm not entirely anti-princess or even anti-Barbie, but this blatant girly girlness really drives me nuts. It's so just so thick.

I am so not ready for IA to hit the princess/Barbie stage.

Missing them

I'm at work totally missing my babies. Do you ever get that primal urge just to see yours? Man, I've got it bad today. I've already watched IA's "pep-a-yoni" video 3 times (I will try to post it here at a later time, if i can figure out how to do so) and gone on a Starbucks run. Nothing is taking away that feeling, so I've resigned to watching the clock count down to 5.

Feelin' alright

With several days under my belt, I'm feeling ok. At peace, happy with two, moving on. Ready to be the best Mom I can to my two lovies. Thanks for all the emails and calls. Exactly what I needed.

Here, then gone

Yesterday I became a member of a new club. Yesterday I had a miscarriage. This post is without question my most personal to date, but I feel no shame or hesitance in writting it. I sense that more couples go through this that we might imagine and I'm not sure why it's kept so closeted. Support comes in all forms and for me blogging helps me excise my emotions (for better or worse).

This pregnancy was a suprise. We had closed the books on more kids and when we found out it was a shock to the system. 3? Really? Lots of emotions followed those two little pink lines...fear, happiness, self doubt and holy shit! seemed to be the most prevalent. Once we settled in to the idea it still seemed daunting, but not nearly as scary as when we first found out. Then one day I statred to have some back pain and cramps. The clots came. My hubby took me to the ER and they confirmed what we already knew.

Now where are we left? Honestly, I don't know. But I do know that I will forever be able to empathize with women who have this experience. For me it was dissapointing, but not soul crushing. Others are not so lucky.

The thankless job

Motherhood can sometimes be a grind. Never more so than on a snowed in weekend. The kids are antsy and if they watch one more Diego, I'll get the worst parent on the block award. My hubby and kids shoveled the driveway (though their participation was limited and they ended up coming in for hot chocolate) and then he was off to his weekend hockey marathon (though not before words were exchanged about the need to cut back coaching responsibilities next year). So I'm here on my own with the kids. I ended up making them homemade chicken nuggets. They are delicious and not half bad on the nutrition front. My hubby snuck one on his way out the door and gave them a thumbs up. Unfortunately, he was the only one. The kids hated them. After Will FINALLY took a "no thank you bite" (our version of "just try it"), he opted out. Izzie enjoyed playing with them and used one as ketchup delivery mechanism. But that's as good as it got. I'm not a huge cook, so it was a bit of a blow to my Julia Childs mojo. Glad my hubby liked them or I might have hung up the mitts. I love being a Mom, but sometimes it's the most thankless thing about my day. And, for the most part, I'm cool with that.

Yoga

Tonight I went yoga with my friend KS. Wow. Not only did I realize how much balance I've lost over the past few years, but, man, I'm out of shape. As with NYE, it was great to do something that made me feel like myself. I hope to repeat often.

In with a bang

2011 started out pretty darn fun. I reached back in time to my old party days and got snockered at our neighbor's New Years Eve party. The company was great, the guacamole amazing and the drinks free flowing. I wore makeup for the first time in many months and treated my neighbors to a glimpse of me in something other than sweatpants. The best part of the whole night had to be the feeling of not being someone's mom. I felt like me. My mother in law was over watching the kids and I didn't worry about them once. I just had fun. And it was nice. Today I am paying for all that fun, but it was worth it.

Happy 2011 all! May the year bring you nothing but the best.

Thank you Santa!

And here we are, the first post from my brand new iPad! I'm in love and hopeful my new boyfriend will help me be a better blogger. Swoon....:)

2 years ago

I last heard my Mom's voice. I miss it. It's so bizarre to think she's been gone 2 years, but that's the reality. I remain grateful for all the time we had together (especially the last 7 bonus years) and that she met my daughter. Time does heal, but there are losses that will always remain. Yeah, it blows.  

6

Husbands. Ever want to throw yours in the river? I have. They can be the most frustrating creatures on earth as well as the funniest, most loving, best smelling things around. My hubby and I are celebrating 6 years of betrothal this weekend. We get almost 18 hours of no-kid relaxation. We're heading dowtown for an overnight, complete with wining(the beverage kind), dining and The Social Network.

6 years, I think we've earned a nice Merlot, mindless entertainment and sleeping in till 9. MAWTH!

Like my Mom

When I was a kid, I vividly remember hoping in to my parents bed on a Saturday or Sunday morning. I loved that  peaceful time spent snuggling and talking. I also remember being facinated by how my Mom's skin would hold the lines and creases created by her pillow (whatever she happened to lie against that night). I'd gaze at her face or neck and trace those stubborn lines, wondering why they didn't disappear. Well, welcome to middle age. This morning I woke up and stared at those very same lines on my neck looking back at me in the mirror. In an instant I felt old, but I also smiled as warm thought from my childhood washed over me. I don't have many opportunities to feel close to my Mom anymore...but I'll take 'em where they come...even if it is in the form of some lines and wrinkles:). Who knows, maybe my little girl will enjoy tracing them just as much as I did.   

Putting the Random in Spiffy

I just learned how to download music straight to my phone. Here's what made it on to the playlist...

Mountain Man by Crash Kings

Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper with Sarah McLachlan

Weather With You by Crowded House

Your Decision by Alice In Chains

Girlfriend by NSYNC featuring Nelly

Press play for a happy me.

Crazy lady

I'm not pregnant, but you'd swear a bun was in the oven by the way I'm acting! Between an overwhelming drive to get the interior of my house in shape (painting, furniture,etc), a tendency to be more moody than normal, daytime fatigue and my obsession with tuna sandwiches (avg of 3 per week), you'd think I was knocked up. What is that all about?!? Seriously, does this sound familiar to anyone? Ping me if so. Watch, I'm proably going in to early menapause.

Defining a tough day

What is your harbinger of a rough day to come? Mine? Diet Coke before 9. Burp.

1 year (can you believe it?!?)

It hardly seems like it, but I've been blogging for one year! Thanks to the faithful few who follow my ramblings and kiddo updates. I hope you continue to enjoy a post or two as much as I enjoy writing them. Here's to another year!

life, death and baked lays

Last night I learned that a guy I went to school with was found dead next to a stream. Wow, that was a huge shocker. You just don't think about someone your age showing up mysteriously dead next to a body of water. Very shocking and somewhat mysterious, at this point, since the police aren't sure exactly what happened. He was a nice guy, loved by his family and successful in his professional life. He could have been me or you. Life is that fragile and death puts it in perspective. Still a bit in shock due to this news….

On life's lighter side…is there anything better than salt during PMS? No way! Today, I am all about Baked Lays. Thighs be damned!

Loss of confidence

I used to feel like a fantastic mother. Recently, I've had a sense of failure. I'm not sure if it's two-kid fatigue, my faint feeling of depression, the difficulty of maintaining patience given the challenges we face with WA or if I just haven't adjusted to the way things are vs. the way I thought they would be. Either way this feeling really sucks and I hope it's primarily in my head. I'm not looking for sympathy, it's just good to get it off my chest. I think we, as Moms, don't talk about the negative nearly enough and it makes us more isolated when we attempt to deal.

Ahhhhh

When is the last time you went in the hot tub before work? Never? Yeah, well me either. But yesterday I did. And it was glorious. For the past day and a half my hubby and I have been child-less. My fantastic in-laws took them for a few days to give us a little respite. Since moving to Columbus, life has dished out one thing after another. Thankfully nothing too bad, but each one has worn us down. We really needed the break, so that combined with the fact that it was my b-day weekend resulted in their generous offer. Two kids under 4 are certainly a handful! These days of leisure…so foreign now…how would we fill them? On Sunday, my bday, we worked in the yard and got a ton done (it's amazing how much you can accomplish without two little ones underfoot). That night we holed up in our bed room and had dinner in bed while watching one of my all time favorite movies…Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Shake and Bake baby! Part of the reason we chose to hole up in the boudoir is that our AC unit was broken (see "one thing after another" above). It proved to be an excellent excuse to stop, relax and spend time together. Just what the couples doctor ordered. I do miss my kids, but am happy that I can relax and enjoy this time knowing they are in excellent hands, eating junk food galore, watching tv, playing with the animals and loving every minute! Thanks MB and CB, this "vacation" was awesome!