Here, then gone

Yesterday I became a member of a new club. Yesterday I had a miscarriage. This post is without question my most personal to date, but I feel no shame or hesitance in writting it. I sense that more couples go through this that we might imagine and I'm not sure why it's kept so closeted. Support comes in all forms and for me blogging helps me excise my emotions (for better or worse).

This pregnancy was a suprise. We had closed the books on more kids and when we found out it was a shock to the system. 3? Really? Lots of emotions followed those two little pink lines...fear, happiness, self doubt and holy shit! seemed to be the most prevalent. Once we settled in to the idea it still seemed daunting, but not nearly as scary as when we first found out. Then one day I statred to have some back pain and cramps. The clots came. My hubby took me to the ER and they confirmed what we already knew.

Now where are we left? Honestly, I don't know. But I do know that I will forever be able to empathize with women who have this experience. For me it was dissapointing, but not soul crushing. Others are not so lucky.