Is there anything cuter than your (almost) 18 month old saying "Please"? It comes out as "Peas" and kills me every time IA says it (with accompanying rub to the chest...which her teacher taught her to sign). I could watch and listen to that all day long :).
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The fear of the unknown
I'm nervous. I'm nervous that leaving my current job and heading to a more structured corporate environment won't allow me to be the mom I have been to my children for the past 4 years. My current job, today is actually my last day, is extremely flexible. I often work in the evenings which allows me to get out early, take a kid to the doctors or just plain spend time with my children. I could not have asked for more from this company, or the bosses I've worked for. It has been my pleasure and I will really, really miss it. I definitely have the 'fear of the unknown' going on as it relates to my new gig. I know I can do a great job there, that part doesn't make me nervous. I'm just nervous that I won't be able to be the mom I've become accustomed to being or that I WANT to be. I know millions of other women do it....I guess I'm just sad because my kids have never known any other way. And I really don't want them to suffer a lack of love or attention. I guess it all remains to be seen how this plays out...but today? Today I am a little sad, a little nervous and a lot fearful.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Mario Leallman
WA is well on his way to mastering ice hockey.
He's come so incredibly far over the past year as the pictures below illustrate. He's got his street hockey slap shot down (now all we need to do is get that sucker to work on the ice) and he's learning the concept of passing/sharing the puck.
Now
Go WA!
He's come so incredibly far over the past year as the pictures below illustrate. He's got his street hockey slap shot down (now all we need to do is get that sucker to work on the ice) and he's learning the concept of passing/sharing the puck.
Then
Now
Go WA!
Who are you?
My Dad came to visit us in OH this past weekend. It was his first time out and we had fun. We stuck close to home, went out to eat, ran, went in the hot tub, scoped out the neighborhood, went to church and generally relaxed (as much as possible with two crazy kids).
During the coarse of his visit we spoke a lot about my Mom and the impact she had on our lives. My Dad grapples, as I think we all do, with the legacy of my mother's heavy hand. She was a strong, strong woman and was a dominate force in all our lives. Most so with my father. They had a very unbalanced relationship and he's got some unresolved emotions surrounding that dynamic. Rightfully so.
What these conversations really drove home for me is how much of my "nature" was formed by my parents. I love control. I love organization. Those are the states where I am most comfortable. Without them I get antsy. Slice me up and that piece is all Mary L. (my mom). I must say I am FAR more comfortable sharing control and with chaos now than I ever was. I credit most of this to my husband. He's German. German in the German sense of the word. Very controlled, a bit of a stickler and likes things to go the way he wants. Blend the two of us and sometimes you get a little bit of friction. But more often than not, the dynamic challenges me. He doesn't always let me get away with being the boss (or being bossy). I've learned that always being in control isn't the healthiest thing for me or those around me (even though I can't help myself sometimes). He's learned that he needs to let my natural tendencies shine sometimes and pushes back on the things he feels most important. I know occasionally I drive him nuts, but for the most part we have found a dynamic that works. So while I am what my domineering mother modeled, I am also evolving. I do believe people can change. While you may read this and think "Wow, what a horror show!", I also got some very solid traits from my Mom. She was intensely interested in the happiness and well being of her family. She was our rock. Her actions spoke volumes, whether it was something small and subtle like getting one of my gnarly chairs slip covered or something more substantial like comforting me on the phone while I cried about one thing or another. I really miss that part of her. I think I am that to my own family. Their rock. And I'm REALLY glad that I inherited that part of me from her.
I am also my father's daughter. And on that front I'm not sure how much I've changed. I have a tendency to say things in the worst possible way. Things that, in my mind are seemingly innocent, come out sounding like an insult. It's a talent. One that unfortunately was picked up from my Dad. I also have trouble with the mind/mouth filter sometimes too. I lead with my heart, not my head, and I'm a bit spastic. Luckily I also got a bit of my charm and humor from my Dad, so it's not all bad!
I see bits and pieces of my husband and I in our own children and I'm really interested to see how that all plays out! Hopefully for the best, knock wood, right?!?
During the coarse of his visit we spoke a lot about my Mom and the impact she had on our lives. My Dad grapples, as I think we all do, with the legacy of my mother's heavy hand. She was a strong, strong woman and was a dominate force in all our lives. Most so with my father. They had a very unbalanced relationship and he's got some unresolved emotions surrounding that dynamic. Rightfully so.
What these conversations really drove home for me is how much of my "nature" was formed by my parents. I love control. I love organization. Those are the states where I am most comfortable. Without them I get antsy. Slice me up and that piece is all Mary L. (my mom). I must say I am FAR more comfortable sharing control and with chaos now than I ever was. I credit most of this to my husband. He's German. German in the German sense of the word. Very controlled, a bit of a stickler and likes things to go the way he wants. Blend the two of us and sometimes you get a little bit of friction. But more often than not, the dynamic challenges me. He doesn't always let me get away with being the boss (or being bossy). I've learned that always being in control isn't the healthiest thing for me or those around me (even though I can't help myself sometimes). He's learned that he needs to let my natural tendencies shine sometimes and pushes back on the things he feels most important. I know occasionally I drive him nuts, but for the most part we have found a dynamic that works. So while I am what my domineering mother modeled, I am also evolving. I do believe people can change. While you may read this and think "Wow, what a horror show!", I also got some very solid traits from my Mom. She was intensely interested in the happiness and well being of her family. She was our rock. Her actions spoke volumes, whether it was something small and subtle like getting one of my gnarly chairs slip covered or something more substantial like comforting me on the phone while I cried about one thing or another. I really miss that part of her. I think I am that to my own family. Their rock. And I'm REALLY glad that I inherited that part of me from her.
I am also my father's daughter. And on that front I'm not sure how much I've changed. I have a tendency to say things in the worst possible way. Things that, in my mind are seemingly innocent, come out sounding like an insult. It's a talent. One that unfortunately was picked up from my Dad. I also have trouble with the mind/mouth filter sometimes too. I lead with my heart, not my head, and I'm a bit spastic. Luckily I also got a bit of my charm and humor from my Dad, so it's not all bad!
I see bits and pieces of my husband and I in our own children and I'm really interested to see how that all plays out! Hopefully for the best, knock wood, right?!?
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Peace
The other day was a stunner here in central Ohio. 70 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, crystal clear. Perfect. One of those days that makes you happy to be alive. Well, that is until you pick up two in-cred-ibly cranky kids from daycare. One my way back home, with a symphony of crying children in the back, I noticed a lone hawk sitting high above on the tipy-top of a tall tree. The bright sun was shining down on him and he looked so very peaceful. For a second, just one second, I wanted to be up there too.
Monday, April 12, 2010
My ladies man
From the day he was born, WA has been a ladies man. He's favored women above men in almost every circumstance. For 3.5 solid years of his life he's been a momma's (and grand-momma's) boy. Some of his favorite people were girls...from his best friends at daycare(MK, LD) to his babysitters (Ms. Natalie and Ms. Cherine...still sorely missed). He'd even interact more with a stranger if she was female and was just generally more at ease with the superior sex. The possible exception to this rule was my dad. My dad is a complete, but loving, spaz and his laid back approach to children really appealed to WA (fade to dream sequence....NA's Dad: You mean I actually have to WATCH the kid when I'm babysitting? NA: Yes Dad, or else he'll jump off the couch and bust his head open. NA's Dad: Oh.) Recently WA's female centric view of life has begun to change. His friends at school are almost all male and more and more he's asking for his Dad. "I want Daddy to put me to bed.," "Mom, where's Dad?", "Daaaaadeeeeee!" (when hurt). I love that my guys are bonding and my pediatrician did tell me to expect this as WA turned 4. But I also must admit that there is a small part of me that misses being his everything. I guess this is just practice for what's to come!
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