Who are you?

My Dad came to visit us in OH this past weekend. It was his first time out and we had fun. We stuck close to home, went out to eat, ran, went in the hot tub, scoped out the neighborhood, went to church and generally relaxed (as much as possible with two crazy kids).

During the coarse of his visit we spoke a lot about my Mom and the impact she had on our lives. My Dad grapples, as I think we all do, with the legacy of my mother's heavy hand. She was a strong, strong woman and was a dominate force in all our lives. Most so with my father. They had a very unbalanced relationship and he's got some unresolved emotions surrounding that dynamic. Rightfully so.

What these conversations really drove home for me is how much of my "nature" was formed by my parents. I love control. I love organization. Those are the states where I am most comfortable. Without them I get antsy. Slice me up and that piece is all Mary L. (my mom). I must say I am FAR more comfortable sharing control and with chaos now than I ever was. I credit most of this to my husband. He's German. German in the German sense of the word. Very controlled, a bit of a stickler and likes things to go the way he wants. Blend the two of us and sometimes you get a little bit of friction. But more often than not, the dynamic challenges me. He doesn't always let me get away with being the boss (or being bossy). I've learned that always being in control isn't the healthiest thing for me or those around me (even though I can't help myself sometimes). He's learned that he needs to let my natural tendencies shine sometimes and pushes back on the things he feels most important. I know occasionally I drive him nuts, but for the most part we have found a dynamic that works. So while I am what my domineering mother modeled, I am also evolving. I do believe people can change. While you may read this and think "Wow, what a horror show!", I also got some very solid traits from my Mom. She was intensely interested in the happiness and well being of her family. She was our rock. Her actions spoke volumes, whether it was something small and subtle like getting one of my gnarly chairs slip covered or something more substantial like comforting me on the phone while I cried about one thing or another. I really miss that part of her. I think I am that to my own family. Their rock. And I'm REALLY glad that I inherited that part of me from her.

I am also my father's daughter. And on that front I'm not sure how much I've changed. I have a tendency to say things in the worst possible way. Things that, in my mind are seemingly innocent, come out sounding like an insult. It's a talent. One that unfortunately was picked up from my Dad. I also have trouble with the mind/mouth filter sometimes too. I lead with my heart, not my head, and I'm a bit spastic. Luckily I also got a bit of my charm and humor from my Dad, so it's not all bad!

I see bits and pieces of my husband and I in our own children and I'm really interested to see how that all plays out! Hopefully for the best, knock wood, right?!?